Well, if you have read the All About Lisa page, then you know that I have only come to accept that I am a lesbian in the last couple of years. Coming to that realization was, for me, only the first step. I have never been one to hide anything about myself. I try to live my life so that I have nothing to be ashamed of and I didn't see being a lesbian as something shameful....and so I felt the need to "come out" fairly quickly.

The first person I told was actually my ex-boyfriend and buddy, Drew, who is an FTM. It was not long after we had broken up and we were still living in the same house, just in different bedrooms. He has always been my friend and my sounding board and the end of our romantic relationship didn't change that. I was actually a little worried about telling him, mostly because I didn't want him to think that my discoveries had anything to do with him, or why I was with him in the first place (several years post transition, Drew is and always will be a man to me). He actually took the news fairly well, although he spent a lot of time quizzing me at first about how I could just "suddenly" have figured this part of myself out. I understood why he did this and I certainly don't hold it against him. He listened when I wanted to talk about my feelings and did what every good friend does...withheld opinion until I was sure what I was saying was actually what I wanted. *smile*

The next person on my "coming out list" was my ex-husband, Al. We had remained very close friends, even after our divorce. I knew that, being bisexual himself, he would understand where I was coming from. I wasn't wrong. *smile* He took the news with his typical unflappable style. His main concern for me was that I be careful and not do anything I might regret.

Hmmm...perhaps I should have listened to Al a little more carefully before I made my next move. I knew that telling my mother would have to come eventually, but I really wasn't sure how to go about it. Instead of thinking it through, I just kind of blurted something out to her when we were on the telephone one day and then hung up quickly. I upset her badly and left her feeling as though I didn't care at all about the fact that I had thrown her world into a tailspin. After drowning in guilt all night, I called her back the next day and tried to make some kind of peace. I have to admit here that I ended up taking the cowards way out and didn't actually SAY that I was gay. I told her that I was struggling with the issue of THINKING I might be and let it go at that.

The last person I felt I needed to tell was my friend, Sandy. She was the only close friend I had in North Carolina besides Drew and Al and I knew she had gay friends so I figured she would be supportive. Again, I was right. She responded to my revelation with good humor and made sure I knew that she still loved me to pieces. Even her husband, who I didn't really think would be exactly accepting of the idea, was really great about it. Hell, he even joked with me about it. I have been blessed with good friends.

Relocating to Texas to be with Kim actually made things much easier for me. Going some place where no one knew me, I was able to just BE who I was without people saying "but you were dating a man just a few months ago". After I got a job and had been working there a month or so, I came out to a few people. I chose carefully and, I think, wisely. The ones who knew were nothing but kind to me and didn't treat me any differently once they found out. Unfortunately, I was let go from that position for reasons I am still unclear about...and a part of me feels very strongly that my good Christian boss got wind of my sexual preference and decided that I was not needed there. *shrug* It's not something I can prove and I have chalked the entire thing up to experience and have let it go.

Back in the early days, Kim was wonderful in putting up with my "excitement" over coming to understand who I was. I know my enthusiasim had to have gotten a bit tiresome for someone who had been out for so many years...but she never got impatient with me. I often asked her if she could remember the things that I was feeling, and for the most part, she could. We talked a lot about the things that ran through my head and she has helped me more than she will ever know on this journey that brought me to where I am now. I love her with all of my heart and I feel fortunate to have someone in my life who remains so understanding about my (sometimes silly) idiosyncrasies.

Kim and I don't hide who we are. We have met each other's families and are accepted by them. We hold hands and kiss when and where we feel it's appropriate. Hell, we have even danced at 3:00 in the morning at the local WallMart. *laugh* I am proud of who I am and of who my partner is. I am "out and proud" as they say and I have no intention of ever going into a closet.

Update:I am happy to say that, as of March 8, 2003, I am officially out to my mother. Kim and I have relocated back to North Carolina and my mother came to visit us at our new home. It was really quite obvious what was going on when she saw there was only one bed in this house. Happily, she has taken the news well and with a minimum amount of tears. For myself, I am happy the inevitable has finally happened and she knows the truth.

Update:The last stage of my "coming out" was completed on January 25, 2005. Although my mother has known that I am a lesbian since 2003, I had never told my siblings. My brothers and sisters live several states away from me and we don't talk on the phone or visit with each other very often. I finally decided that the time had come and, taking a lesson from others who have been in my situation, I wrote each of them a letter, explaining that Kim is my partner and that I am truely happy and at peace with myself for the first time in my life.

For those who would criticize that I chose to make this revelation via the post office rather then in person or on the telephone, I can only say that I believed this would be the better way to do things so that my siblings would be able to digest the information without having to react to me one way or another before they were ready. I am very happy to say that all four of them took the news well. My oldest sister said that she had suspected as much and that, since her children are 21 and 16, she would tell them what was going on. She said that she felt they were old enough to understand and that they had certainly been raised to respect and accept people who are different from themselves (That was my favorite response!). All in all, things have worked out well for me. I am completely out of the closet and I am happy. There isnt much more one can ask for then that!